Jokes

Criiis a scris:What country does a pussy seem like?

it seems like England, because it’s always wet;
it seems like Koreea because it’s divided in 2;
it seems like Lebanon because it has regular blood flows,
and like Romania, because it makes you want to stick your dick in it!!!

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

Yo mama jokes (ask )

yo mama's so stupid that when she saw a "wet floor" sign, she did
yo mama's so fat that her belly button has an echo
yo mama's so fat that when she goes to the cinema she sits next to everybody
yo mama's so fat that i ran around her twice and got lost
yo mama's so skinny that she turned sideways and disappeared
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo Momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!!!
Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!!!
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!


and thoooooooooooousands more

Fraise a scris:An arab at the airport

-- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!

))))))))) I can't stop laughing )))))))))))))

Jossette a scris:

Jeff Dunham is great! I really like his jokes and the characters he creates! Peanut is so cute :p

and funnny indeed

bijouxdemonange a scris:

Fraise a scris:An arab at the airport

-- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!

))))))))) I can't stop laughing )))))))))))))

)

jeff dunham has a new show on comedy central...every week. yey...
i love ahmed... silence...i kill you...

))))))))))))))

chuck norris jokes:

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Criiis a scris:Scientists have finally discovered what's wrong with men's brain: On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left..

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

"Mrs. Jones," he said, "you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mother, Mrs. Andrews: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He addressed the third Mom, Mrs. Wilson: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy and go get dinner. "

Michael Jackson pe un vapor de croaziera. La un moment dat se loveste vaporu de o stanca si incepe sa se scufunde... Capitanul: "Save yourself!!!" Pasager: "No! Save the children first!!" Capitanul: "Fuck the children!" Michael Jackson: "Do we have time?"

ioi

q: why did hitler commit suicide?
a: cuz he got the gas bill

A
construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw, and
spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but the noise
makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language. He
points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning, "need", and
moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st
floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The
man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and
shouts: "What the hell is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a
handsaw!" The other guy says: "I knew that, I was just trying to tell
you I'm coming."

These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after
the semester started they all had all gone out on dates, and by chance
all came home at about the same time.

The first one came in and
said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come
home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached under her
skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck with a loud thud!

She said, "Now THAT'S a good date!!"

Funny jokes, each of them made me at least smile.

Adam & God

God said, 'Adam, I want you to do something for Me. Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do? God said, 'Go down Into that valley. Adam said, 'What's a valley? God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.' Adam said, 'What's a river? God explained that to him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....' Adam said, 'What is a hill? So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, 'On The other side of the hill you will find a cave. Adam said, 'What's a cave? After God explained, He said, 'In the cave you will find a woman. Adam said, 'What's a woman? So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I Want you to reproduce. Adam said, 'How do I do that? God first said (under His breath), 'Geez..... And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and Over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it now? And Adam said.... * * (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!) * * * * * 'What's a headache?'

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

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Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?

Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

-----------

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

---------------

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

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Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.