Jokes

English humour

A horse walks into a pub and the bartender asks him: So, why the long face?

There was a butler who worked for a wealthy couple. The husband was old, and the wife young and beautiful. One night the couple went out to dinner, and the butler stayed at their house.
The young wife returned home earlier than the husband, and she called the butler, Sam, into her room. She told him:
"Sam, I want you to take my shoes off." Sam took her shoes off.
"Sam, now I want you to take my stockings off." Sam took her stockings off.
"Now, Sam, take off my dress, my bra, and my panties. And Sam, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again..."

Kai-Ra a scris:English humour

A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.

Sex in your 20's - 30's: Tri-weekly

Sex in your 40's - 50's: Try weekly

Sex in your 60's - 70's: Try weakly

q: Why coundn´t Jesus be born in England?
a: Because it required a virgin and three wise men...

Chops a scris:

Kai-Ra a scris:English humour

A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.

bun bancul

dragonfly a scris:

Chops a scris:

Kai-Ra a scris:English humour

A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.

bun bancul

in english please

Two girls were in a elevator.At the third store the elevator stops.One of the girls scream: Help!help Then told to the other one to try together. The other girl screamed: Together!

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

vai crissssssssssssssssssssss

Indian Style Sex"

Montana Indian picks up a hooker.
'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.



He says 'Do you do Indian style?'
'No' she says.
' I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'
'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.
'I pay you $300'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've
had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Indian Style be?''.



So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting
something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly
is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government'

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective...the cheapest one he could find.

This is his report...

Most honorable sir!

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house.

I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window.

He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he.

I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,

Cheng Lee

Electrofish a scris:Indian Style Sex"

Montana Indian picks up a hooker.
'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.



He says 'Do you do Indian style?'
'No' she says.
' I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'
'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.
'I pay you $300'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've
had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Indian Style be?''.



So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting
something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly
is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government'

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day … Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a brunette, one''s a redhead, and one''s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

What country does a pussy seem like?
it seems like England, because it’s always wet;
it seems like Koreea because it’s divided in 2;
it seems like Lebanon because it has regular blood flows,
and like Romania, because it makes you want to stick your dick in it!!!

In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling 12% liked the excitement and 82% liked the fucking silence.

kiki a scris:In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling 12% liked the excitement and 82% liked the fucking silence.

asta e de status

hahaaha so funny ) poor dick

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

What country does a pussy seem like?

it seems like England, because it’s always wet;
it seems like Koreea because it’s divided in 2;
it seems like Lebanon because it has regular blood flows,
and like Romania, because it makes you want to stick your dick in it!!!

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "no" and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy,' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

:)) I like the last one

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.

Why don't niggers like blowjobs?
They don't like any jobs.

What do you call a nigger priest?
Holy shit.

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?
Have you ever heard of a mexican doing anything right the first time?

What are three things you can't give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Niggers Think Its A Cadillac.

Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

Did you hear about the nigger that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.

Why don't jews like oral sex?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

Scientists have finally discovered what's wrong with men's brain: On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left..

) right

An arab at the airport

-- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!

^ din seria "surdul nu aude,dar le potriveste"
Btw, have you seen this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI0 ?