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Jokes

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Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:30

English humour

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Chops la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:36

A horse walks into a pub and the bartender asks him: So, why the long face?
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:38




_________________________________________________


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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:39

There was a butler who worked for a wealthy couple. The husband was old, and the wife young and beautiful. One night the couple went out to dinner, and the butler stayed at their house.
The young wife returned home earlier than the husband, and she called the butler, Sam, into her room. She told him:
"Sam, I want you to take my shoes off." Sam took her shoes off.
"Sam, now I want you to take my stockings off." Sam took her stockings off.
"Now, Sam, take off my dress, my bra, and my panties. And Sam, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again..."

_________________________________________________


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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Chops la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:39

Kai-Ra a scris:English humour
A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Chops la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:40

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:41




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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:44

Sex in your 20's - 30's: Tri-weekly

Sex in your 40's - 50's: Try weekly

Sex in your 60's - 70's: Try weakly

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 02:44

q: Why coundnŽt Jesus be born in England?
a: Because it required a virgin and three wise men...



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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Daiana la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 03:26


_________________________________________________
"Toata nefericirea umana provine din a nu accepta realitatea exact asa cum este." ~ Buddha
"ca si cum i-ai zice unei sticle de pepsi de 2 l, in care ai turnat o cutie intreaga de mentos, sa nu faca spume" ~ by bibi

Don't make important decisions in anger: you can always tell a person to go to hell tomorrow~Paulo Coelho
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 03:34


_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de edith la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 04:57

Chops a scris:
Kai-Ra a scris:English humour
A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.
bun bancul
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Joi Oct 16 2008, 17:56

dragonfly a scris:
Chops a scris:
Kai-Ra a scris:English humour
A blind man with his helping dog walks into a mall and starts spinning the dog by its leash. When the security guard asks him what's he doing and he says: Nothing, just looking around.
bun bancul
in english please

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Mier Oct 22 2008, 03:29

Two girls were in a elevator.At the third store the elevator stops.One of the girls scream: Help!help Then told to the other one to try together. The other girl screamed: Together!

_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Mier Oct 22 2008, 19:04

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

vai crissssssssssssssssssssss

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Mier Oct 22 2008, 19:04


_________________________________________________


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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Mier Oct 22 2008, 22:22


_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Mier Oct 22 2008, 23:37


_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Alle la data de Joi Oct 23 2008, 08:47

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Raven la data de Vin Oct 24 2008, 01:38


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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Bones la data de Vin Oct 24 2008, 08:07

Indian Style Sex"

Montana Indian picks up a hooker.
'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.



He says 'Do you do Indian style?'
'No' she says.
' I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'
'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.
'I pay you $300'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've
had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Indian Style be?''.



So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting
something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly
is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government'
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de kiki la data de Mier Noi 26 2008, 02:48

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective...the cheapest one he could find.

This is his report...

Most honorable sir!

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house.

I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window.

He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he.

I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,

Cheng Lee
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de kiki la data de Mier Noi 26 2008, 02:49

Electrofish a scris:Indian Style Sex"

Montana Indian picks up a hooker.
'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.



He says 'Do you do Indian style?'
'No' she says.
' I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'
'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.
'I pay you $300'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've
had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.
How bad could Indian Style be?''.



So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting
something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly
is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send bill to Government'


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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Joi Noi 27 2008, 21:02

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Joi Noi 27 2008, 21:03

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What’s that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day … Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel

_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Vin Noi 28 2008, 01:55



_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Vin Noi 28 2008, 09:33



_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Bones la data de Sam Noi 29 2008, 12:13

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a brunette, one''s a redhead, and one''s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Daiana la data de Sam Noi 29 2008, 12:36


_________________________________________________
"Toata nefericirea umana provine din a nu accepta realitatea exact asa cum este." ~ Buddha
"ca si cum i-ai zice unei sticle de pepsi de 2 l, in care ai turnat o cutie intreaga de mentos, sa nu faca spume" ~ by bibi

Don't make important decisions in anger: you can always tell a person to go to hell tomorrow~Paulo Coelho
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Andrela la data de Sam Noi 29 2008, 13:16


_________________________________________________
Casi se me apaga la luz. Llege a ser solo el eco de una voz que un dia brillo... Pero un dia renacio la esperanza. La luz volvio a brillar. Me di cuenta de que estabas ahi...gritando, sin miedo, que aun creias en mi. Y hoy...por ti y por mi, estoy aqui...con mas fuerza...sin miedo...con mi himno al amor...a los corazones rotos que van juntando pedacitos...
I STILL BELIEVE...



My blog:  http://baby6891.blogspot.com/
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Sam Noi 29 2008, 17:29

What country does a pussy seem like?
it seems like England, because it’s always wet;
it seems like Koreea because it’s divided in 2;
it seems like Lebanon because it has regular blood flows,
and like Romania, because it makes you want to stick your dick in it!!!

_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de kiki la data de Joi Dec 04 2008, 21:54

In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling 12% liked the excitement and 82% liked the fucking silence.
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de senorita la data de Mar Dec 16 2008, 10:46

kiki a scris:In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling 12% liked the excitement and 82% liked the fucking silence.
asta e de status
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Vin Mai 22 2009, 22:41


_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

Bijuterii Handmade -    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Criiis-Joyeria/447233485324939
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Vin Mai 22 2009, 22:47


_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

Bijuterii Handmade -    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Criiis-Joyeria/447233485324939
unghiute https://www.facebook.com/CriiisNailsUnghiiFalse  
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de bijouxdemonange la data de Vin Iun 05 2009, 13:38

hahaaha so funny ) poor dick
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Dum Iun 21 2009, 21:10

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Dum Iun 21 2009, 21:11

What country does a pussy seem like?

it seems like England, because it’s always wet;
it seems like Koreea because it’s divided in 2;
it seems like Lebanon because it has regular blood flows,
and like Romania, because it makes you want to stick your dick in it!!!

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Dum Iun 21 2009, 21:25

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "no" and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy,' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

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O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de bijouxdemonange la data de Dum Iun 21 2009, 21:51

:)) I like the last one
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Lun Iun 29 2009, 20:54

Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.

How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

What's a niggers idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."

What is a nigger on a bike?
Thief.

What is the worst 3 years of a niggers life?
First grade.

What is a nigger?
Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?
One if you spread him real thin.

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
He doesn't know he's black.

Why don't nigger women wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies off the chicken.

Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
California got first pick.

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed.

Why are niggers like sperm?
Only one in a million actually work.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?
To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

What can a pizza do that a nigger can't?
Feed a family of four.

Why did the nigger carry a piece of shit in his wallet?
I.D.

What is red green yellow orange purple and pink?
A nigger dressed for church.

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla.

What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload.

Why did god create orgasms?
So niggers know when to stop.

Why can't nigger women become nuns?
Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

How do you fit 15 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years?
Because one of them lost a quarter.

What does N.A.A.C.P stand for?
Niggers Are Always Causing Problems

What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

Why are niggers always buried 12 feet deep?
Deep down they're good people.

What's black, orange, and very pretty?
A nigger on fire.

What do you have if you've got a nigger up to his neck in cement?
Not enough cement.

How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Why are there trees in Harlem?
Public transportation.

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night?
"Drop it nigger."

What happened when the nigger looked up his family tree?
A gorilla shit on his face.

Why don't niggers like blowjobs?
They don't like any jobs.

What do you call a nigger priest?
Holy shit.

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.

Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?
Have you ever heard of a mexican doing anything right the first time?

What are three things you can't give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Niggers Think Its A Cadillac.

Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
The future looks pretty good!

Did you hear about the nigger that thought he was bleeding to death?
Turns out he just had diarrhea.

Why don't jews like oral sex?
It's too close to the gas chamber.

Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
They think the smell is coming from outside.

Why do niggers like basket ball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

_________________________________________________
O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Criiis la data de Lun Aug 31 2009, 04:30

Scientists have finally discovered what's wrong with men's brain: On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left..

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O mare plăcere în viață este să faci ceea ce alte persoane îți spun că nu poți face. Walter Gagehot

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de bijouxdemonange la data de Lun Sept 07 2009, 08:47

) right
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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de Squint la data de Mier Sept 16 2009, 06:26

An arab at the airport

-- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!

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Re: Jokes

Mesaj Scris de ale_m la data de Mier Sept 16 2009, 14:49

^ din seria "surdul nu aude,dar le potriveste"
Btw, have you seen this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI0 ?
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